C.U.M.A. “Fashion Show”
Columbia Urban Music Association
I decided to attend Columbia’s first fashion show of the semester on February 1, 2008 at 1104 Wabash Street Chicago, IL. It went from 7:30pm until 10pm. It was $10 at the door, $7 general admission and $5 for Columbia students. They had a flyer around Columbia for this event which the flyer was well advertised and diverse, that it made you have a curiosity of how the fashion show would be. They pretty much had a sell out because it was full and the posters and lights and run way made you feel as if you were at a real live fashion show. The MC’s for the show were good and tried to keep the show running when it started to drag on for too long. The models were all shapes, sizes and color. Some of the outfits looked good on those who were tiny but for those who had more curves it wasn’t a pleasant sight to look at. Some of the girls didn’t know how to walk down the run way and had to much unnecessary upper body movement. Each female and male had a turn of walking down the run way and some of the guys were tripping over each other. The males did not know how to pose at all when they had to come to the end of the walk way. They would try and do something sexual or throw up a gang sign, not to professional like. The acts they had in-between didn’t seem rehearsed at all. The dancing was bad. They were falling out of turns and weren’t together in the choreography. The singing/rapping was horrible. The rapper had another guy on stage with him holding a mic not saying anything and just followed where the other guy went. For the singers, his/her music was too loud and you couldn’t here their vocals. Observing the audience reactions to the show was quite interesting. The crowd went from the ages of 4 to 50 years old. The students were more enthusiastic while the elders were more content and just focusing on what was going on. You could tell after an hour and a half they started to lose interest and people eventually started to get up and leave. There were definitely favorites in the show. Some would walk down and you would hear a bunch of people scream and those who didn’t know the person the crowd gave no response. I thought the outfits were very eclectic but once again not everything looked right on everyone. Before and during the show they a slide show showing those who were in the fashion show just having a good time with one another and had head shots of certain people. It had me wondering why they didn’t have head shots of everyone else. Overall the show was very good for a “college” fashion show. You could tell that they worked long and hard to put this show together. The only thing that I would be careful with is the outfits that you put on some of the males and females and making sure that the show doesn’t start to drag on for too long.
8 comments:
For positives, you were very good about backing up with exact details what you didn't enjoy about the show, for the most part. When you mention that the males were unsure of how to act at the end of the runway, you didn't just leave it at that, you actually gave examples of what they did to give us an idea of how unprofessional they were acting (flashing gang signs, doing something sexual). Then, when you mention the dancing was bad, you explained how the choreography/etc was off...you didn't just say "oh the dancing sucked", which is a good thing. And I like that you covered the entire show, instead of just one part- it gives a better view of what went on. I also appreciate how you aren't being snarky/mean with your negative comments, you're just stating your opinion. A lot of people reviewing a fashion show like this would probably get really mean with some of their comments about the appearance of some of the models.
A couple negatives- I'd say you should work on segues into different topics, using one topic to lead into another, that sort of thing. It also sort of seems like a list of things in paragraph form, instead of an actual review- some of the critiques were just one sentence comments with not much else. You say that people were uninterested after awhile, but why? Was it starting to get boring? Give an idea of why they were leaving. As good as you were at backing a lot of stuff up, there were other things that you didn't really explain-you said the rapping was bad, but not exactly why, aside from that it was too loud. Well...that's fine, but was that it? Is that really the rapper's fault? I'd say explain exactly why it's bad- stupid lyrics, no rhythm, awful voice-instead of just leaving it at "it sucks". Also, be sure to watch grammar/spelling in general. It wasn't too bad, but there are parts where words are missing in sentences, or sentences don't really make sense. Not really too much, though, so don't worry. Overall, a good review. Hooray.
You gave a good description of the event itself and it's clear that you didn't enjoy it.
I would have liked it much better if you explained "Why" you didn't like certain things. Like, why did you think the choreography was bad? Did they have bad arm angles? Did they seem unpracticed? And why were there rappers at this show? It didn't come out very clearly what kind of fashion show this was.
-Chelsea B.
I have been to a few of Columbia Fashion shows, some better than others, there is always good advertising, and from your review they seem to be the same. There are some fashions that look good on certain body shapes and of course the bad performances and always that point in the show where it boils down and becomes a bore.
You covered everything from the advertising, cover charge, the fashions, models, performers, and the audience, good observation and thorough critique. Letting the reader know what it was like so they know if they would enjoy it or not, great job.
The only thing though that really brought me out of the review was the grammar, all I would suggest is proof read out loud so you will catch a mistake, because like I did, you will stumble over it, reread it and figure out what went wrong.
Other than proof reading your review before you post, you had good detail and insight for the readers.
-Rejepi
there was good coverage of the how event, you seemed aware of everything that was going on and not just the main focus. you gave me a very good idea of how the show went and what the mood was like.
one thing that you could improve on was the structure and grammer of the review.
I liked that you took the time to review the show as a whole, rather than just a section of it. By doing so, it was easier to visualize how the night might have progressed and the ways in which the models, entertainers, and so forth fit into everything.
I also enjoyed that you made it a point to add in the details of the location, prices, and so on.
It would have been easier to follow if you had added more necessary punctuations into the review. Also, if there were more than the one large paragraph, it would be easier to grip.
There were some issues with your grammar, specifically words that were missing within sentences. But the easiest way to alleviate that would simply be to read it over, and perhaps spell check it in a program like Word.
It seems as though you know quite a bit about fashion shows, and it made me slightly more interested in attending one here on campus.
Good job overall.
Strength: All criticisms given of the show seem valid. The show could use this info from you.
To work on: Tangents and coherence. It's not that what you have written is incoherent- I understand everything you are saying. Just seperate things a bit and focus on a handful of things instead of one short line about EVERy aspect. You also don't need to include the pricing info at the beginning unless the event is recurring. It doesn't really do anyone any good to know those specifics if we missed the show. Haha.
There was good description of the fashion show but there were a lot of unecessary details in the writing. I think you could have cut out a lot of the details about admission prices and the signs around school. I think you could have developed your review by organizing your ideas a little bit more. I felt the entire review was very negative and was thrown off at the end of it when I read "Overall I thought the fashion show was pretty good etc." Try to make sure your opinions are consistent.
Great choice of subject, and, as your commenters note, lots of useful details. I want to call your attention to one thing Michelle said: "if there were more than the one large paragraph, it would be easier to grip."
I think she's right--what that BIG paragraph makes me think is that you are just writing down everything you saw (and what you thought of it) in the order it happened--and that's not exactly how reviewing works. An overview of the whole event would be helpful, but then you need to pick and choose some of the details that best communicate your overall evaluation of the event. In other words, you may have TOO MUCH detail here. It's your job as reviewer to pick and choose more.
One other thing: seasoned fashion-show-goers may have a sense of how these things ought to be done, but you can probably tell by looking at me that I don't go to a lot of fashion shows. I might could use a little bit of background about how you tell a good student show from a bad one.
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